Our distance

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What happened to us? I thought we were different from all out failed relationships? I thought we were wiser and stronger than our past. We were happy and contented in our own world. Life did not seem to bother us because we knew during that time, that we were there for each other.That  our love was the only thing that mattered.

You knew almost everything about me. What makes me smile or sad… What fires my emotion.You knew what i needed and tried to give me what i wanted.You were there for me and i was there for you. You were all that i could think about. I was so happy just being with you;by your side.I felt safe and secured in your arms. There is nothing in this world that i want. I loved where i was.

We never needed a lot of things. Seeing you everyday before i sleep, and waking up the next day with you by my side made my life simple and so easy. I could not ask for more. But as time passes by, i did ask for more. I asked for more time to be with you. I prayed for more days,weeks and hours I wanted more of you. I did not want to go.I wanted to stay there with you.Time is my enemy when we are together.It reminds me that you are not really mine.That nothing lasts forever.

I needed to go. I had a choice; to stay with you or do what i originally planned before i met you. I chose to continue my plan. It’s not because i did not love you that much. I loved you more than i loved myself. I knew you felt that. I made sure you felt it. I left because i thought that no matter how far we are from each other, distance would not change the way we felt about us.I was convinced that  we were stronger than  distance and time.

We tried to make it work,with my timezone and yours. Those late night calls with you. I was so eager to go home so i could talk to you. I would constantly watch what time it was and wished that  it would go just a little faster so that our time would meet.The in between day chats that we tried to do just so we won’t don’t miss what is happening with each others lives. At the start it was so easy. Not having enough sleep was never a problem. i would delay things that i needed to do just so i can talk to you.Tell you that i miss you and i love you.We thought nothing would change.

Little by little we drifted apart. We argued a lot.We gave less and less time to each other.It was not the same as before.The excitement to talk and see each other is gone.The only time that we were not fighting was the time that we did not talk to each other. We used to be each others happiness, now we have become enemies that could not find a reason to reconcile.I can feel the anger, sadness, and disappointment.But love was suddenly impossible to feel.I can remember our memories but the feeling is lost.

I can’t find you nor feel you.

But i hope that someday,somehow..

I would feel you again.

I want to feel you again.

The problem with Love.

love

 I am happy every time i fall in-love.Who doesn’t? That feeling where i am are so inspired and excited that i feel like i can do anything in this world. My everyday routine which bored me to death is now something that does not seem to bother me at all. I am now focused on something else..Love. or shall we say Falling in love.The mystery and excitement keeps me up all night.My priority has once again changed.Love is what matters now and i can’t wait as to what tomorrow might bring. And for  awhile i thought that this would last forever..although i believe that forever does not exist…or maybe i have just not experienced it yet.

The problem with love is..it makes you feel good and so happy at the beginning. But just when you have already gotten used to that feeling;life happens. It smacks you in the face with reality. wake up! You naive little girl.It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. There you are so in love and full of hope.Proud that you are one of the lucky ones to have experienced this common yet unique feeling.Then one day you realize that love was just passing by.And now you have to say goodbye.

Love is not enough to make someone love you back also. It is not enough to make someone stay. It will not even guarantee to make the other person happy.But why do we still take risks just to feel this feeling?Is it really worth the pain?Will it even make you a better person after being hurt?Personally, i don’t know what to do.They say that people eventually learn from their mistakes. I guess i am not learning, i do the same stupid thing again and again when it comes to love. It’s like  taking an exam which you thought you are already prepared for; but ending up with a mental block out.What the hell happened?

Isn’t love supposed to be simple and easy? Why can’t it just be a fairy tale where everyone gets a happy ending.Why does life have to wake you up from a very good dream..?So that’s the problem with love..it is just a temporary bliss..after that is a never-ending war which will only end if you stop loving.